Changes

HEALTH UPDATE: No results yet. Still waiting. I’ve made calls. I’ve tried to expedite.

I’m not strong or positive and I’m certainly not feeling any humor right now. I’m going through changes. Waiting for results for something like this is hard to describe. I want the professionals to go faster! Hurry up! My sample is the most important! I need to get this shit out of my body, pronto! What are they thinking making me wait? What does my future hold? This result is the answer to my future! At other moments, I don’t want to know at all. I want to wake up and to realize it was just a bad dream. Take your time! I don’t need results. Right now it could technically be anything….even a teeny tiny chance it is nothing serious! Not knowing is a great way to deny the entire thing.

I’m ready to know. I’ve had days that I’m happy not knowing but this has gone on too long now. I need to know. I need to move forward. I’ve picked out hats on amazon. I’m ready to be bald. I’m ready to be sick. I’m ready to fight. But maybe none of that will even happen because I have no answers! I have no plan! My mind is just going through every scenario of what might happen. It’s maddening.

This is my coo coo for coco puffs moment. I never intended for my blog to become a place to rant and let it all out. With that said, I also want to be completely transparent. The good, the bad, the ugly. I won’t lie. It also makes me feel good. My morning tears are dry and I feel the strength, positive vibes and humor breaking through. More changes every day, multiple times a day. 🙂

I love you all!

Tumor Coma

Health Update: Nothing to report. Still waiting for results. Will keep everyone posted!

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great holiday with love, laughs, food, family and friends! We went out to a lovely restaurant in Mazomanie called The Old Feed Mill. The buffet was really tasty with all the traditional dishes plus a few more. I couldn’t eat much but what I had was delicious. The company was wonderful too. The Hannes clan is small but mighty. It was really great to see everyone! My evening ended with a chat with my brother Ben. He’s so funny and real. He asked if I had turkey coma. My reply was a depressed nah, I couldn’t eat much. He cheerfully said, Oh! You must have tumor coma! He is so hilarious! I got a big kick out of that. He always knows just what to say. I love you little brother!

Who watched Seinfeld? Remember the episode where Elaine sneaks a peek at her medical records and reads that the doctor called her “difficult”? My primary doctor gave me her original copy of my ER visit the night they found the tumor. It was unedited and not your standard patient “after visit” summary with pleasantries. The ER doctor called me a “rambling historian”!!!! LOL! My first reaction was, what?! Is that a hidden medical term? Oh wait, I talk too much about my history! I guess I did go back about 10 years. Don’t they want to know everything? LOL! After half laughing and half coming to terms with this new reality that I ramble I decided that I will put my health updates at the start of my posts for the convenience of those that would rather not read on to my ramblings.

Love to all and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Thank You!

Good morning! I have to say that I am humbled with all of the sweet comments, words of encouragement, prayers and thoughts. It’s so amazing and if I could explain how good it makes me feel I would but words are hard to come by to express the love exploding from my heart. Full disclosure, I don’t really remember the movie but I think it was the one with Braveheart. He’s on his horse ( or standing?) with his shield and sword ready to fight. He has an army behind him, ready to support and fight. I bet that made him feel more confident and ready for war. That is how I feel. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

I want to be transparent. I don’t always deserve titles such as positive and having humor. When I don’t feel good my positive attitude and humor can turn into despair and sadness without notice. The tears flow and I get angry. I worry about my friends and family. I mostly worry about Tom and Willow. They are forced to sit front row for a shit show that nobody wants to see. I pray for them. I pray for you!

My Mom means the world to me. She is the sweetest woman on the planet. I don’t remember her being mad or upset often but when she was she always got over it quickly and moved on. I learned that from her! I’m so thankful! I will have times of sadness but thanks to my Mom I can always see the good and move on.

Moving on!

Today is the day! I’ll be checking in at UW Hospital & Clinics at 12:30. Biopsy is at 1:30. Recovery 3-5 and then we wait!! I plan on having as much fun as possible while we wait. I’m thinking Frozen 2 for sure. Maybe a couple more trips to the holiday lights. Playing with my girl. She’s a hoot. She told her teacher she was going to see me at the hospital because I fell skateboarding. Oh Willow!

Have a great day everyone! Hope to be checking in again soon!!

Thankful

I’ve wanted to do a blog for months! I have so much to say! Selfishly, I was thinking it would be a great way to get worries off my chest and I didn’t even really want people to read it but maybe it would be a therapeutic option to release stress? There are so many other topics to discuss that are fun and exciting like my beloved family and my most amazing career. Who doesn’t like a good real estate update or story? November 16, 2019 amped up my desire to get this going.

Short story

I have a large mass on my spleen. Doctors are most certain it is cancer. Biopsy has been scheduled for Monday, November 25th at UW Hospital and Clinics by their skilled radiologists. We may not hear the results until the following Monday with the Thanksgiving holiday this week. Once we know exactly what is growing inside me we will take swift action to kill this mo fo.

Long story

I’ve had symptoms for months including at various times, vomiting, GI issues, fevers, low appetite, weight loss, fatigue and bloating. We started with my routine colonoscopy and tacked on a scope down my throat to check out my stomach and all that stuff. Besides a pre-cancer polyp and diverticulosis in my colon all biopsies and findings looked normal. My DR suggested it must be anxiety. I started meds and hooked up with a therapist. WOW! That has been helpful and eye opening. Summer went along fairly well as the symptoms happened less and less. Around September though, I noticed more GI issues. Those issues eventually brought me to urgent care last week and I certainly did not have a large mass on my spleen on my radar.

After the CT scan at Meriter, I was admitted so I could get the biopsy. We needed to wait until Monday for approval from the head radiologist. He ultimately said no, we needed to go to UW Hospital for this procedure. I’ve been told it’s a very vascular organ so there could be bleeding complications. They felt more secure with the experts at UW. I was put on a list to be transported on Monday night. We waited and waited as the hospital was full. They decided to discharge me Wednesday afternoon and schedule the biopsy as outpatient. It’s scheduled for Monday!

What we know: The mass is huge and is squishing my guts. It’s almost certainly cancer, We won’t know anything until they study the sample. That will dictate the treatment and removal. This is very rare. Luella said it’s common in dogs! LOL. I’ve been wondering why I have a desire for chasing squirrels! ha! Cancer in the spleen usually starts from somewhere else. They have scanned my chest to my pelvis and the only disease they found was the spleen. No lymph nodes or anything so that is really awesome news. They believe it started in the spleen. It’s a slow growing tumor. It’s probably been growing for a year, maybe more? I’m not looking back. Only looking forward. We don’t know a whole lot right now. All answers are in the answer to this question. What is it?

I’m so thankful for the answers we have so far. I’m thankful for my loving husband and beautiful daughter Willow. What would I do without you? Tom has held down the fort beautifully from taking care of our girl to tackling the laundry and so much more. I’m so thankful for my MOM! Don’t worry, I’M OK! I’m thankful for my beautiful family and friends that have dropped everything to be with me and support me. I’m thankful for Melanie who has gone into beast mode adding to my wardrobe with beautiful pajamas, lots of other comfy clothes and coming to my house to put up Christmas (the tree and a ton of bins)! I’m thankful for all the texts and calls. I’m thankful for all the well wishes and offers to help. I’m thankful for all the doctors and nurses I’ve met so far for their care. I’m thankful for all of the medical advancements that have been made in my lifetime. I’m thankful you don’t need a spleen to live. I’m guessing that will help at some point, right? LOL!! I’m most thankful for my faith that I have in God. I’m thankful that God gives me the strength to face this challenge head on and that is just what I plan to do.