HEALTH UPDATE: First dose went off without a hitch. No immediate side affects or crazy reactions. Labs and ECG were all fine. This drug works very slowly. It likely won’t even start working for a few weeks. I will get my dose every 3 weeks. I was treated like a star. I had my own hospital room on the Research floor. They did everything in my room and I even got to order lunch. I had a grilled cheese, green beans (fresh and steamed, my favorite) and apple pie with coffee.
Shortly after returning home the fatigue settled in followed by a really wicked fever. Woah. Laid me out flat for the most part. Slept pretty good but the fever did not give up. Have been battling fever, fatigue, the squirts and severe stomach pain since I got home until a few hours ago. On the mend! Fighting the fight!
I feel like I’m in a dream. Such strange times right now. It almost doesn’t seem real! Are you with me? First the fight for my life. Now the fight for all lives? I am very worried about the coronavirus and what it will do to our beautiful country filled with all of our wonderful people. The days to come will tell us more of the story. I can fully understand the anxiety of this moment as we all wait to see what happens. Who will catch it? Who will pass? Someone i know? I know many at high risk including myself and my beloved Mom. I self quarantined a few weeks ago but broke the rule by going to the grocery store once and to my sister’s house one day overnight for sister night. Oh and of course my home away from home, UW Hospital. Willow hasn’t gone to school in 3 weeks. Now it is closed. Tom is running all over trying to stock up and keep his family nourished. Now is the time we cut all that out. No more parks, only outside play. Gah! Maybe one more trip to the store. Is there anything left? We need to hunker down. Now.
I’m thinking of my thoughts to write next. Something strange is happening. I think I’m speechless. False alarm. LOL. This is just all too out of the norm! These questions of what will happen next bring me back to thoughts of life and death. How have I lived? I’ve lived SO WELL! I don’t have regrets. Sure, I’ve had horrible moments and have made big mistakes. I have learned a lot from those mistakes. Most made me a better person and helped me to make better choices. My career has been incredible. I worked so hard and it was all worth it. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve learned so much and have so many clients I’ve met that I consider very good friends. The people I’m surrounded by are so…so….so…. I don’t know. I will simply say, THE BEST. My family! How lucky am I? I’m still using lessons taught to me by my Dad to this day! I’m showered by love and support by so many. My heart is full of love and gratefulness. Life is so good. I’m going to focus on this for the tough days that are certainly coming. I wish you all safety and peace.
Of course I think of death as well. I often feel like I shouldn’t talk about it. I know it makes some feel uncomfortable. Please skip this paragraph if you are not comfortable. I go back and forth on this topic. Most days I’m comfortable with dying. I believe it will be beautiful, I will not be scared and I trust God’s plan. Other days I’m kicking and screaming like a baby. I don’t want to go! I’m not done here! My sweet girl!! My Tom! I can’t live with the pain I’m causing! That is the deal breaker for my comfort level. Yet I forge on to make arrangements just in case. Keep in mind, these are arrangements that could happen years down the road. Who knows? I won’t say I didn’t enjoy making them. It’s like planning a party for ME and I won’t feel awkward like, look at me!.LOL. At the end of the day, It’s not my choice. Let me rephrase. It will not be my choice because my mo jo is back and I’m ready to take on whatever comes my way. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.
i would like to thank and apologize to all of you who sent us cards and gifts. The love is enormous and I’m so far behind on thank you cards and messages. Please know i”m thinking of you and we all appreciate your generosity, thoughts and prayers. Willow has been absolutely thrilled with the outpouring of cards and gifts. I think you can all stop now! Shes getting too spoiled! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
Please be safe out there. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for safety for all!