How Great Thou Art

HEALTH UPDATE: The fevers keep coming. I’ve had a few breaks. One overnight with no fever and also a few morning with very low. The antibiotics don’t seem to be helping so I can only conclude it is cancer or immunotherapy related. The fevers are predictable and they feel the same over and over. One hour of chills. One hour of sweats. Couple hours of no fever and then it starts all over. It is wiping me out. I look different. I can’t walk well. I’ve been on the couch or in bed for weeks. The good news is that if this treatment is working I’d do it all over in a heartbeat! I can still take more.

Oh yeah. There is more. My belly is blown up like a watermelon. Look out because if you run into me you will bounce off and hurt yourself. It is not painful but it is so uncomfortable. My organs are already squished and this isn’t helping. I really can’t eat much. I feel like I just ate the last bite of Thanksgiving dinner all day long. I went to the hospital yesterday to see what is going on. I had a CT scan and labs done. We suspect Ascites which is a fluid that builds up (formerly called tumor monster vomit) when your liver is not draining properly. Since I have some veins filled with cancer and some with blood clots this could be the issue. Just speculating. I shouldn’t do that. I’ll need to wait for the call.

Those seem to be the big items on my list at the moment. Other than that, I’m top notch.

Ramblings….

Oh my heavens. What can I possibly say right now under the conditions we are all living in? In a way, I feel like i’m starting my process all over again. All the unknowns are yet to be discovered. The worry and anxiety of a health crisis. Not just my health crisis! Potential crisis for everyone I know! Separation anxiety. I need to feel my people! I do find some sense of relief using facetime. Thank goodness for facetime. My silver lining is being quarantined with my family. Willow is amazing and it’s been nothing short of incredible to see her adapt and grow. Tom is sill busy as ever filling our orders, cleaning, working, all of it. He won’t sit down. That is how he rolls. I make him take breaks sometimes just to sit with me. I will treasure these moments forever. I don’t care if the house is messy. Just sit with me.

When I was diagnosed along with a pretty grim prognosis, this is the last thing I thought I’d be doing during this precious time. I wanted to go on a trip. We could get an RV and take Willow to the ocean! That will be my goal. I’m flexible on the RV, LOL. Sounds like a lot of work. Driving our car and a cottage on the beach would work too. East Coast baby! It feels so good to have dreams and goals. It is what keeps us going. I’m going to use this as a tool to help guide me to a more positive outlook. I won’t lie, my outlook has been taking some big hits. This will help. My heart is thinking of you all and hoping you are well. During this difficult time it’s so easy to fall into the black tornado in the floor. We are in this together and we need to do whatever is right for ourselves to find peace and enjoy every moment. I’ve also discovered this absolutely beautiful song that soothes and inspires me.

Be well and God Bless!