HEALTH UPDATE: Soon to find out. Everything feels the same. It’s the same. I’m all good for treatment!!
Here we are! Another day at the hospital. I can’t BELIEVE it’s already been three weeks since my last visit. I feel like I’m a visitor, not a patient. I am starting to question if I have cancer at all. This is not what I expected cancer to be. I expected what I went through the first several months after my diagnosis. That was hell. Now it’s just life with the reminder that hell can return without notice. I don’t feel like today is that day and that scares me. I’m getting too confident. Too detached from my reality. But shouldn’t I live without constant worry? I’ve spent most of my adult life worrying about cancer. Every little quirk. Cancer. Now it’s here. I still can’t believe it.
I’m all checked in. Waiting for my lab buzzer to go off. I am 3 weeks past my first covid shot so I sit in the actual waiting room. I’m with my people. One lady has on her fuzzy slippers. That’s brilliant!! Rachel is here. She yells Norm! But not loudly. Just so I can hear. We manage to have a great chat while she pokes me, draws my blood and prepares me for treatment. I am blabbing at record speed. On and on. I can’t help myself. It’s like meeting a friend for coffee but you only have 5 minutes. I really love talking to her. I love her.
I am waiting to see my doctor. When I’m called back the first order of business is getting weighed. I don’t want to look. I’ve been so disappointed. In myself. In my body. I know what excuses are. I’ve made a lot of them when it comes to my weight. But I’m so tired and my legs are shit! I had to “say it out loud” so I can face how stupid it sounds. I need to do more. Not tomorrow. Today. I need to watch Rocky. I need to be more physical. I need to not be more terrified of how I look in the straps when I go over the edge than actually going over the edge 14 stories!! Ok. Enough of that.
It’s almost time to start stalking lab results. I feel cool as a cucumber. I’ve already convinced myself that if anything is wrong it’s because of the covid vaccine. Lol. I looked. Urine mostly normal. It says it’s 50% coffee. Just kidding. I’m going to read the news while I wait for the other results. Labs are good. Again. I’m still here. God is so good.
Lots of new stuff in the waiting room today. From fuzzy slippers to stilettos! Seriously! Maybe she’s like me and this is her big day out. I love it. I love her and I love both styles and everything in between!! Most of the guests here are peppy! I feel like there is a positive vibe everywhere. I need to capture it and sprinkle it all over. ALL OVER!!
I’m on a roll. Moving right along. Doctor appointment went well. They get shorter and shorter. My oncologist didn’t have time to review my labs before coming in. I let her know they are good. Lol. She still takes a look. We chuckle how my tumor marker, lipase, is now 1 point over the low range of normal. 3 weeks ago it was 2 points under the normal! Eeeks! We are kidding and making jokes about this. At my highest level, I was 9.420 points over the high normal. That’s a lot of words to say the tumor monster is either dead or sleeping very soundly. Still.
I decide to check out the cafeteria today, before I check in the chemo department for treatment. It’s been closed for nearly a year. I get a big cup of coffee and some milk to go. I notice several differences. Coffee is no longer self serve. All the fresh fruit is individually wrapped. No more salad bar. That is devastating. It was a great salad bar! I go to check out. I still have $60 in my wallet from last year. I don’t want to touch change so I use my check card for the $3 cup of coffee. I have no idea what my PIN number is anymore. It goes through without needing a pin. I get to the chemo department to check in and the sweet girl at the desk now knows my name. Hello Cathy!! It’s official. I’m a regular. The place is packed. There are no open rooms. I opt to wait in the seating area by the elevators where I’m writing this chapter of today’s blog. I think people in all areas of this hospital are sounding happier and looking more energetic. Is it spring? Vaccinations? All of the above? Perhaps!
I’m in my chair. I’ve got a window! My nurse is so nice. She knows her stuff. While I’ve been waiting I read an inspiring news story about a cancer survivor. I stalk him on Facebook and send a message to see if he would consider sharing his story on my podcast. He very kindly replies and says yes!! This life!!! It’s amazing!!!