Life

HEALTH UPDATE: Thank you well wishers and prayer warriors!! I’m feeling sooooooooooooooooo GOOD! My energy is so much better. Fevers are a distant memory. I have self diagnosed myself with a thyroid issue. Why do I google? LOL! My oncologist mentioned they would be monitoring my thyroid carefully as this medication can have an impact. So far my blood levels are normal as of two weeks ago but I have a few tolerable symptoms that match thyroid issues. I’ll find out more next week when I go in for my next treatment. I do not have a scan on the schedule. It’s like waiting for a good movie release. You can’t wait to see it. When it comes, you hope it will be a good one but then again it might be horrible. So you wait…..and that is okay.

Ramblings….

Wow. Do I feel good? Yes, most certainly, I do!! So much so that I find myself with yet more unknown feelings that I’ve never experienced before. I’m sure you have all had a bad dream before. You wake up and the dream feels so real. You are breathing hard and likely upset, heart pounding. Soon, you realize it was just a dream. You sit up, touch your surroundings to make sure what reality is and breath a sigh of relief.

I’m living life so happily right now. I’m able to do laundry and house work! Cooking! Playing with Willow! All the normal things I’ve always done before I was diagnosed. Then all of a sudden, I remember. I remember what is going on inside my body. How can it be? Is it just a bad dream? No. I’m still awake. I’m still awake! The nightmare is real. I feel so good that I forget all about my health challenges. As I remember reality, it startles me! Like a bad dream! It’s just a new feeling. It’s weird. It’s real. It happens several times a day while I’m awake. I find myself feeling a little anxious. I’m trying not to be over confident with the recent findings of the CT scan. I find myself believing that I could beat this for a while longer than I thought. Something is pulling at my shoulders. Woah Nelly, slow it down. We’ve got a long ride ahead of us. My feelings are so conflicted! I’m just so so happy to be feeling better and doing things and that the goodness outweighs the bad by FAR.

I’m not sure how many weeks I’ve been in quarantine along with Tom and Willow. I know I pulled Willow from school 3 weeks before they closed. Since that time, I went to my sister’s home one night for a slumber party with my sisters (before the crap hit the fan) and on the way I went to the grocery store. There was a lot of chatter about the virus but there were no masks or talk of social distancing at that time. Now I only go to the hospital for treatment. We go for a drive here and there and we hang out in our driveway. Now that the weather is nice it is so much fun!!! We love our neighbors! Our pals next door are amazing people (and I could go on and on about Willow’s BFF, neighbor puppy Callie). Walter brings out his speaker and puts it on the lot line. He is selfless as he plays our favorite songs. Willow loves her dance parties! We stay in our own driveways and have fun conversation. So many people are walking by. We’ve lived here over 20 years and we just love the people. We’ve been doing a lot of chalk art. Willow painted some rocks and left for people to pick up. She also loves her scooter. She has two and can ride them both at the same time. One foot on each scooter. I pray often in our driveway!

We did some social distance visits last week. I went to see sister Chris and Ruby, brother Ben, Trina, Daisy and Carson and my MOM! We went to each of their homes, not all together. The driveway visits were wonderful, although not long enough. It was painful to not be able to hug or get close.

I’m starting to make some purging progress. The busy days of work and raising a little girl has meant if I’m done with it or don’t know what to do with it, throw it in the basement! But that outfit is so cute! I remember her being so cute and little in that outfit! I can’t possibly throw it away. Time to make some tough choices in order to make space for us. Like many families, our dining table has turned into an art studio and school supply store. I cannot tell you how much I love this chaos!! I was never like this! I remember when I’d clean the house and afterwards it actually felt clean! So much has and continues to change. Some really great things and some horrific things. Through it all, I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!! How can it be that I am in jeopardy of losing it all? HOW?

Even with that dreadful thought, my drama meter is so low now compared to March and most of April. I’m calm. Even though I’m experiencing this anxiety about my situation, I am accepting of it all with prayer and the support of my amazing family and friends. I can’t remember the last time I cried. A thought has crossed my mind. Could it be that the world is with me? I think this virus, no matter how serious one takes it, doesn’t seem to discriminate from attacking anyone. Is this calming to me and my situation? Knowing we are all in this together? I feel like my worry has transitioned. It’s been just me. All about me. Now my worry is spread all over the world and closer to home to my family and my friends. Just a thought. Just more ramblings from a girl that is trying to figure it all out.

Peace, love and good health to each and every one of you!

xoxo

Cathy