HEALTH UPDATE: Mostly the same. Dang my joints hurt. Allergies are kicking in too. I’m happy as a lark to have these symptoms compared to the alternative. I pray for all of the cancer warriors around the globe that they too may experience a miracle or two within their cancer journey. Shit…let’s throw in all the people fighting right now. Depression, addiction, covid….all of it! Fight, fight, fight! You can win! Even in death, we can win. Uh oh. Rambling. Wrong section.
Next treatment is October 28th. No scan. Just blood work and miracle concoction infusion.
The leaves are falling, temperatures dropping. The days are shorter. Nights longer. I’ve cashed two pumpkin spice bottles of coffee creamer and my mega box of 80 delicious victor allens pumpkin spice k cups has dwindled to only a handful. I just lit a brand new cinnamon stick yankee candle. The big one. Love love love that smell! We’ve had two fires in the fireplace already. First time in YEARS that we’ve lit it up! We’ve been playing in the leaves after our work is done. I get out the blower and it’s a leafnado!!!! Giggles abounds! So. Much. Fun. I am working feverishly to get ready for Halloween. I am not going to just sit by and let cancer and a virus ruin one of my favorite holidays. Nope. I am going to learn the thriller dance. As I watch the tutorial on YouTube it makes my head hurt. I am not a dancer. I will not give up and I will learn and perform this dance on Halloween night in my driveway. I have my costume. I’ll be ready! So much to be grateful for. SO VERY MUCH!
I focus on this life. A lot. It’s amazing. But I can’t shake the thoughts. Shit. I still have cancer. My thoughts are forever changing. It went from sheer terror after the diagnosis to denial and lately, kind of forgetting about it. That is, until I remember. And just like that, it clicks. Listen girl. This is your life now. Don’t let it shake you. Practice what you preach. Acceptance! This is your life now. They say the cancer will never be cured. That doesn’t mean i can’t live. Accept it! The fears I’ve recently been having…they are sudden jolts of fear when I’m internally reminded of the cancer. It is so similar to worrying about “if” I have cancer. This is so much better now!!! I don’t need to worry about the IFS!!!! Lol. Like when Tom fertilized the yard….stay off the grass! Why? I already have cancer. Ha ha!!! Perks I tell ya! He watches ingredients on cereal boxes for the cancer causing stuff in wheat. My reply? I can eat it! I already have cancer! Seriously. My jokes are bad. These sudden jolts of fear do kind of feel like a living nightmare but I will pray for acceptance in my heart and continue to live the best life I can. Like going to the beach in October!
Survival. It’s an amazing thing this fall!! I survived another birthday! I’m blown away, once again, by the outpouring of love that I’m so blessed to receive. Thank you to everyone for the cards, birthday wishes, balloons, flowers, gifts, calls, texts, videos. Wow. Just wow!! Cheers to many more! The one survival goal I had after my diagnosis was to make it to the election. Pray for me! A few weeks to go!! I just read a story of a fellow cancer patient that shared my goal. He was in poor condition but was able to mail his vote. As his life was slipping away he was able to accomplish his dream. He died 8 days after he placed his ballot in that box so his vote won’t count but it’s cool. He did it!!!!
As covid-19 rages on, I pray for safety. Please be safe. It’s not just your own life. It’s the life of others. I pray for all the beautiful doctors and nurses who help us and save us. God, please keep them safe! I pray for our nation, amen.