HEALTH UPDATE: This is getting boring. Beautifully and miraculously boring! My labs were great on Wednesday and I proceeded to the chemo clinic for infusion of the amazing concoction that has kept me going since March of this year. My doctor and I just kind of look at each other with smiling eyes. We can’t see each others faces. You know. The covid-19 mask thing. It’s a quick visit these days. More of a formality. She did add to the discussion that she took my scans to the tumor board. They talked about my progress and decided that it’s best to keep going with this treatment as there is still involvement with veins and whatnot. It would still be a very risky surgery at this time. My primary doctor even sent me a note and said she was happy to see the tumor board said my progress was “fantastic”. So while surgery still isn’t the best and safest option right now, my progress is headed in the right direction. I actually prefer this plan. I remember how devastating it was to not be able to have surgery. It was my only hope. But now, as long as treatment is still shrinking the tumor monster and my quality of life is good, I see no reason to take that risk. Thank you Jesus. I am so grateful.
WOW! Just wow. How long can this go on like this? How long will labs look good? How long will I feel good? I’m beginning to think I might just make it here on earth a while longer. It’s an inner struggle. I’ve spent so many months working on acceptance of my situation. I’ve gotten used to it. I have my moments of tears, fears and curiosity of the afterlife. So far, I haven’t let myself go to that place of comfort. The place and thought of me actually surviving this beast. Not forever surviving but maybe much longer than I expected. I’m starting to see a crack in my mountain. I’m climbing. I’m climbing. The mountain is splitting open between the rocks in the teeniest, tiniest way. There is sunlight coming through and it’s not the light from the Lord in heaven. It’s the light here on earth. I’m cautious. One slip and the rocks will fall and cover the crack. I know this. I have to protect myself. But I can feel the slightest sunlight on my face from this crack. It feels good. Exciting but uncertain. So I shall continue to enjoy each moment, as I have been. More rambling thoughts to ponder each and every day.
Sending so much love and wishes of safety and happiness to all!!