Seasons

HEALTH UPDATE: Well…I fell off my bike again. I had my helmet on! Bruised ribs this time. I’m in a bit of pain. The good news is that the bike injuries have been worse than my side effects. Ha! I was riding and needed to slam on my breaks to avoid a crash. Fell over on my side in the grass. Landed on my side and punched the snot out of tumor monster from the outside. Weird. Maybe it was meant to be that I fell and punch that loser tumor. I had x-rays. Nothing broken. Other than that, I now have allergies. I’m still coughing and stuffy. I am also still experiencing body aches and joint pain. It’s in my hands. Otherwise good to go. I’m active. I’m having one helluva summer!

Ramblings…

It seems that I’m now on a regular routine of treatment. It could last for a while and I hope that it does! It’s an easy routine and I’m blessed beyond measure. Please pray for me that it continues. I mean, it would be fine if the immunotherapy shrunk the tumor monster small enough to have surgery so I could be rid of it all together, however, I’m not sure how that would look. It would be a major surgery and I’m sure has the potential for complications. Of course my mind is fast forwarding again. Trying to predict my future. Just stop. This is day by day. Beautiful day by beautiful day.

Our summer has been nothing less than extraordinary. Under the circumstances, we’ve made the best of our time quarantined together. Willow is a gift. Just watching her grow and develop has been magical. I know how lucky I am to witness this first hand. We have water balloon fights, lots of chalk art projects on the sidewalk, break out the pool once in a while and wave to the neighbors as they walk by. We just got a giant jenga game too. We used to all ride our bikes but I’m sitting that one out until further notice. LOL! Who says you can’t have fun staying at home for months on end?

In between the playtime there is rest. There is healing. There is a lot of reflecting. I sit in my chair in the driveway and often my focus leads to the leaves on the trees. I’ve never had time to think too much about leaves. I look at them so differently now. I look at them and wonder how many times I will see them change. How many seasons will I be here? Will I miss the seasons when I’m gone? I most certainly will. It’s a gift from God to have a new change around the corner as every season comes around. New seasons bring old memories for me. Summer takes me to my childhood in the country. Kool-aid, macaroni and cheese, eating rhubarb pulled fresh from the dirt and grass forts. Fall takes me to my adult life. Happiness, football, pumpkin spice everything and the smell of a campfire. When I think of winter I think of Christmas with my family, sledding with Willow in our backyard and snow storms! Praise Jesus for spring. By the time it comes around I’m grateful the cold wet snow is over. Newness is everywhere. Thunderstorms. New year, new flowers, new hope. So much to be grateful for!

I try not to let cancer change me. But it has. I feel like I’ve always appreciated the little things but now it’s severely fine tuned and extreme. I’m so happy and in awe I really don’t want to leave. I live in limbo. It’s the strangest thing. I would say the most consistent thing throughout my experience has been how much I’m amazed that I still cannot sort my feelings. I’m usually black and white. I make a decision and stick with it. The thoughts about life are so scattered and so extremely different from moment to moment. I can be watching Willow sing and dance. She’s so beautiful and theatrical. I’m so proud and so happy and in an instant, I remember. Oh no. What will she be like when she’s older? Will she pursue this interest of hers? Will I be witness? Maybe. Maybe not. I suppose this is something we all have to consider. Especially with a pandemic in progress. So then I go full on “live in the moment”! Carry on! Wow. This is a true and solid ramble. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say…but this is what my blog is about. Random thoughts from a cancer fighter who is unsure of her own mortality.

I would like to give a big shout out to my favorite Mom in the whole wide world. My Mom, Priscilla Evelyn! She is celebrating a birthday tomorrow. She is so sweet. She’s so talented with the most beautiful art that makes so many people happy. She is so strong. She is kind and never complains even though she has plenty to complain about. Her courage and strength she has shown throughout the years battling MS has been nothing short of inspirational. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for always being there for me Mom. Happy Birthday! I love you!

Published by cathy@hellocancerfriends.com

Wife, mother, cancer fighter and lover of life!

5 thoughts on “Seasons

  1. 🌬️🌱🌴🍂
    Winter Spring Summer Fall

    Thank you for sharing, Cathy!
    I am with you in spirit. 😊😘

    Like

  2. OMG my dear friend! You just always have to make things interesting:) Love you much, so glad that you are not seriously injured and love, love, love your perspectives, joy and positivity! You are amazing:) Love J

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  3. Appreciating the little things, “severely fine tuned and extreme.” That’s what you said. Many fellow Big-C waiting room dwellers I have known over the years spoke of similar changes to their world view. Your observations differ from theirs especially because of the level of minuteness you see and the time and its peace of mind that surpasses routine understanding. Selfishly, I have not been there but wish I had. I’ve rarely moved beyond life’s omnipresent binary offering — another intersection with a corner, where the trajectory may dip. No choice with no escape. This is another way that you have done so well and shared it with us by way of your journal.

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