Stronger Now

HEALTH UPDATE: Immunotherapy treatment #5 completed June 3rd. It’s been a peaceful week. Pain remains in my legs. I feel a little “off” but overall feeling very well. It’s truly amazing and I thank GOD for this chance to LIVE!! Next visit to UWHC is on the books for June 24th.

Ramblings…

I’m gaining weight. It’s freaking me out. I’m so happy that I’m better and things are headed in the right direction. It’s what we all have hoped for. I’m alive! I’ve read that weight gain can be a side effect. I do not have a definitive answer from the doctor about that. I will say that I’ve mostly maintained my current weight once I stopped the “all you can eat” sweets buffet and switched from spaghetti o’s with meatballs for a delicious spinach salad with cucumber, tomato, feta, craisins and a drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette for lunch. My stomach also seems to now allow much larger portion sizes. Well if the door opens, I’m going to walk right in. So now I need to watch how much I’m eating. My free for all was fun while it lasted but now it is over.

I’m disappointed in myself for prioritizing a smaller body for being healthy and continuing to live longer. How shallow am I? It was so easy to lose weight before. That has never happened to me. I didn’t do a damn thing except feel incredibly awful for over a year. So easy! So easy compared to the guilt of every thing that goes into my mouth, feeling bad about what I’m looking at in the mirror every day and just that overall feeling of hatred for myself for not maintaining a healthy weight. I’m realizing just how much I’ve tortured myself throughout my adult life because of my weight.

Those days are OVER! I’m stronger now. I’ve been given another chance, no matter how short or long it will be! I need to fire up for the next round of misgivings. If tumor monster wants to pull a fast one and start getting all big on me, I need to be ready. If there is a major surgery in my future, I need to be ready. I need to be even stronger for me, for my family and for my friends. I’ll need your prayers. I’m not perfect. I have the brains to do this but not the will at times. Okay, hardly ever. LOL!

I dug out the bike today. It was AWESOME! It felt so good until I got off and had sore rubber legs, lol. Willow had an absolute blast watching me race down the street. She is a wonderful motivator. Her smile and giggles were heartwarming! Tom got his bike out too. What started for me as, better start exercising, can’t use the cancer excuse forever (lol) turned out to be fun for the whole family. While we continue our quarantine at the Hannes home, we continue to live, laugh and love together. We get grumpy too, don’t get me wrong. Including bikes to our happenings today added much more than I expected. It was a great day!

Peace and love to all!

Cathy