HEALTH UPDATE: Completed second chemo treatment January 3rd. They checked my labs prior to the treatment. I was cleared for treatment. I then met with a wonderful NP that went over all my symptoms from the first treatment. She took them one by one and had solutions for them to try. So far it’s working really well! I really cannot complain. I think I’ve had 15 minutes of tummy pain. I was very tired yesterday and did small tasks and rested in between. Today I feel pretty good! There are some very strange side affects that are completely tolerable. Cold sensitivity! If I touch something in the freezer, zing! My fingers and hands have a crazy reaction. Kind of like chewing on tin foil with metal fillings. I need to bundle up outside. It last about 5-6 days after treatment. When I eat my first few bites my jaw hurts. Feels like some crazy sensation like taste buds exploding on your tongue. It hurts to cry. The tears are like gas. Well, not that bad. It just lasts a few seconds. Weird stuff! I’m amazed at how all of these drugs can take over your body. As a self described control freak, I’m half fascinated by these things and half uncomfortable that I have zero control.
Sister Melanie has helped me so much. She has taken over all of the planning, research and appointments needed for this adventure. As it stands today, we are waiting for confirmation to meet with a very skilled surgeon at Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee. We are also confirmed to meet with the fine people at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN on February 5th. The Froedtert visit will also take place that first week of February. It lines up with the completion of 4 rounds of chemo. There is so much coordination involved! Sending records, getting new scans, new blood work, who does what, what will insurance cover or not cover. It’s mind boggling and i would be absolutely lost without my sister. Thank you dear Melanie. Tom and I don’t know what we would do without you!
Next chemo appointment will be next week on January 15th. There will be one more after that on January 29th before we hit the road for more opinions. Until then we are just living the dream! Learning how our new normal looks. I’ve got a mega 7 day, morning, noon, evening, night pill box that I’ve found both helpful and just astonishing. So many drugs! I’ve never taken so many drugs my entire life. I’ve been blessed to not need them. This change is dramatic.
Ohhhhh…..what to talk about. I’ve had so many thoughts running through my head. I’ve said this before but I’m serious. I’ve never been knocked down before long enough to think about life! I mean REALLY think about life! Full throttle! No time to reflect! No time to finish my thoughts. No time to play out my life as I want it to be! Go, go go! All that has changed in what seems to be an instant.
DEEP & SENSITIVE THOUGHT ALERT. So I’ve realized I think I’m dealing with some denial. I know this because I just realized a couple days ago that I do not want to die! I’ve thought about death many times. Being a self diagnosed hypochondriac, I’ve always expected it. I don’t think I’m afraid of death. I don’t feel like I am. My faith is strong. My vision of the afterlife is filled with love and light. I don’t believe I will see my dad in his flannel sitting on a lawn chair with a pabst blue ribbon. I think I will feel his soul instead. All the souls of people I’ve lost including my precious baby that we lost at 8 weeks along. I think she will be my guide. I don’t know why I’m so convinced she is a she. Just a feeling. The denial has been recognized so I’m dealing with the sads a little bit more, however, this does not mean in one single way I’m giving up or giving in!!!!!
In many ways it is recognition that I won’t give up. Can’t give up. Let’s live like there is no tomorrow! Fight this tumor monster and keep on keeping on! I need to be here!!! My biggest worry, by far, is leaving those that I love and that love me. I feel the pain. It’s so real and intense. I will do all I can to fight. I promise. One day at a time. This experience is like being sight impaired and putting on a pair of glasses for the first time. Everything is so clear! LIVE! LAUGH! LOVE! Deep thought ramblings complete.
I wanted to share some fun stuff too. We took Willow to the Grand Geneva in Lake Geneva to stay overnight with Brother Bill, his beautiful wife Beth and cousin Grant. They treated us to an amazing get away. Willow adores her cousin so much and had the best time playing with him and swimming in the pool! They even hit the hot tub! Those kids. So precious. It warmed my heart and we had the very best time. I can’t wait to do it again. I was also able to have a wonderful visit with my dear friend Tom. I’ve missed you so and while we are both not at our physical best, our hearts and minds are solid and it was so beyond good to see you!
All of the cards, letters, messages and calls. I can hardly take it. The love is overwhelming. Your support and friendships are out of this world amazing. It’s getting more and more difficult to put into words how it keeps me going. Thank you. Sending so much love and happiness to each and every one of you!