Drip…drip…drip…

HEALTH UPDATE: I am no longer a chemo virgin. The last bag of super powers are dripping into my veins at this very moment. I’ll leave with a pump with an additional 46 hours of drugs to be administered at home, 5 injections at home and a list of other goodies to take should I experience side affects. So far, so good. Besides sweating from wearing the warmest sweater I own, I feel great!

Chemo Day Ramblings:

I thought I would add a special addition piece to my blog for chemo days. Chemo Day Ramblings!

I’ve lived my life at full throttle for years. Run, run and run faster. I am beginning to think I literally did not take time to think! Now that I’ve settled down, all I do is think! Under my current circumstances, it’s hard not to think about the situation I’m in. It’s such a wide range of thoughts!

Worrisome thoughts: Duh, do I really need to state the obvious? I’ve always been pretty optimistic, but I’m also a realist. I will fight with everything I have but I also want to be prepared. I think about Willow a lot. I’m not ready to discuss. I think about my husband and how this has brought us closer. We have been through a lot together and I’m an idiot for waiting to have something like this bring us back together to where we once were. I should have slowed down and taken the time. Made the time to enjoy him to the fullest. I love you with all my heart and I always will Tom Hannes!

Spoiler alert: Mild political content in this paragraph. I am deeply worried about our health insurance. We are both self employed. We have worked so hard for many years to grow our businesses. We pay taxes like everyone else. Our experience has allowed us to scale back a little over the past 5 years so we can raise our beautiful daughter. It is something I will forever cherish and would not change for anything. Obtaining insurance for self employed people used to be next to impossible. Very expensive and not very good at all. As a matter of fact awful. When I needed extensive medical care several years ago, I sucked it up and got a part time job that included a wonderful insurance plan. That plan saved us. I got up at 3 am for 5 years to go to that job. I was done at 1:30 and could still practice my beloved real estate although at that time the market had crashed and I didn’t have much to do anyways. I ended up having 2 or 3 surgeries during that time. We would be in the streets if not for my part time job. Then came the Affordable Care Act. The real estate market was coming back. I was burning the candle at both ends. It was a no brainer to leave my job that I loved at UW Health and bought insurance directly through the insurance company which at the time was Unity. It wasn’t cheap but the new laws called for insurance companies to not turn people down because of pre-existing conditions….or for anything at all! We were finally given the opportunity to purchase real health insurance! It wasn’t a scam. The listing of things covered was fair. It was an enormous relief for my family.

So now here we are. I’ve got the mother of all pre-existing conditions. Willow has pre-existing conditions. Why does our President and GOP congress hate people so much that they want to take this all away? Yank it out from underneath us? It’s not like I’m taking in other tax payers money. Our family usually pays about $16,000 out of pocket for our medical needs, including the premium. This year we are up to closer to $23,000 out of pocket. All I want is to be able to obtain insurance that is real and not a scam! I’ll pay my share! I understand that the aca is flawed. Can’t we fix it? Can’t we work together for different options and change the things that people don’t like and keep the stuff that saves lives!? So many people would be affected. Well now I am one of those people. Under my circumstances, I don’t know what we will do if I lose our insurance. There are millions of people like me. My heart breaks for all of us who are forced to sit and wait to see what happens. Because having a pre-existing isn’t enough.

That was a load of worry off my chest (still worried) so I will complete this post with happy and funny thoughts.

My happiest thoughts today are that I am starting chemo today to kill this stupid f’n cancer! I’m so happy that my first friend in the world sent me the most amazing gift. She sent me a bracelet that is just beautiful with a message that not many people can see. It says F&*# (but the real word) CANCER in Morse Code! Is that the coolest thing you’ve ever heard of? I show it to everyone I see! Thank you dear friend!

I’m so happy that it is Christmas time. It is just MAGICAL! I’m happy to have such great people in my life. Seriously folks, the messages, cards, support, prayers, gifts…..it blows me away every day! I love you all so very much! I hope you all have many happy thoughts too!!!