New Life

HEALTH UPDATE: The surgery was a success! I’m still healing and it hasn’t been easy, but it’s going better than I could have ever imagined. There will be follow up appointments and scans but I think it’s safe to say that at this point, I’m done!

Ramblings….

What does one do when they have defied all the odds and survived a killer disease like pancreatic cancer? Well. I guess I get to find out!! Seriously. I am really having a difficult time trying to wrap my head around this. In the past few weeks as I’ve let my body rest and recover, it’s been one bumbled thought after another. Not knowing what to think. Is this real?

As the days go by, I feel myself getting excited to live this fairytale life. My thoughts and ideas of next stages ramp up as my energy has. Right now though, my thoughts are in the lead, leaving my tired body lagging behind trying to do all that my mind is ready for. I know it will catch up, but I’m not one to like waiting.

I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that my life would change so much in a few short years. I went from death bed to get out of bed! There is so much to do. There is so much I have learned. I intend to make the most of this generous second chance that I’ve been given. There will be no pressure to do this. It will be done because I want to.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is realizing what things in life truly mean the most to me. It isn’t a big bank account and it isn’t “things”. It isn’t following social norms. It isn’t pretending to be someone I’m not. It isn’t about pleasing people when being stared down to do so or feeling guilty to say no. It’s about peace. Peace in my heart and how I treat others. Reaching out to people in pain. Congratulating people for their happiness. Letting little annoyances in life go. It’s about nature. The sky, the trees, the wind! It’s about family and friends. It’s about me. My mental and physical health. Taking time to make sure I’m ok. Taking time to make sure my body will be ok. My body has been through a lot.

Yes. The tumor monster is dead. There is still much work to do. I have maintenance to take seriously. I’ve never been one to succumb to guilt. Exercise! Eat right! Do this. Don’t do that. Right now I’m very motivated to do the right things. I believe my surgeon when he says I need to cut out added sugars in my diet, among other things. I need to do this or it will shorten my life. What? What life? I have pancreatic canc…..oh wait. What? Oh. Yes, that’s right. It’s gone. Gone.

I would think it would be easy to flip that switch and move from dying to the beautiful prospect of living. Living for years! It hasn’t been easy at all. It has been a cluster of emotions and confusion. The mind is so powerful. I think mine has been short circuited. Maybe I just need to go in for repairs. Until then, the coming months should bring some pretty interesting things. I feel like I’m starting my life over. I will use the things I’ve learned as my guide. The craving I’ve always had for balance in my life will not be overlooked. Maybe I can do work, family, fun and self love all in the same life. I won’t lie. I’m confident. Nothing after cancer seems too hard.