Sweating

HEALTH UPDATE: Covid vaccine shot #3. You are such a bitch. The side affects are so gross! I’ve gone through two rounds of teeth chattering, followed by a mound of blankets, followed by profuse sweating. Let this be it and let’s hope it’s all worth it. Otherwise, coasting and feeling ok.

Ramblings…

Fevers. They take me back. Back to the time before immunotherapy fixed me. So many memories and feelings of the beginning of what I thought was the end. I fell into the black hole swirling in the floor yesterday. I don’t like to go there but it was inevitable. Fevers remind me of how real this is.

I hate the reality of it all. I work so hard to look at the bright side. Enjoy each day! Make memories. Good ones. Be kind. Do good things. Crazy things! I’m so lucky these positive affirmations have gotten me through the past 22 months. A fever can erase it all. Temporarily.

My reaction to the jab yesterday changed our plans. Tasks were moved to a different day. Tom took over. He took care of me. Took care of Willow. Just like he did back at the beginning of all of this.

My family was concerned. Willow asked, are you ok mommy? It was awesome to be able to reassure her that this was temporary. I would be well again in the next day or so. I wept in private. What happens when I won’t be able to make that promise? What happens when the drugs stop working? I can’t let her go through this!

The hole in my heart got a little bigger today. It’s so incredible how a fever can just take me back to all the old dreadful feelings. I’m excited to be rid of this fever so I can get back to my happiness!