Changes

HEALTH UPDATE: No results yet. Still waiting. I’ve made calls. I’ve tried to expedite.

I’m not strong or positive and I’m certainly not feeling any humor right now. I’m going through changes. Waiting for results for something like this is hard to describe. I want the professionals to go faster! Hurry up! My sample is the most important! I need to get this shit out of my body, pronto! What are they thinking making me wait? What does my future hold? This result is the answer to my future! At other moments, I don’t want to know at all. I want to wake up and to realize it was just a bad dream. Take your time! I don’t need results. Right now it could technically be anything….even a teeny tiny chance it is nothing serious! Not knowing is a great way to deny the entire thing.

I’m ready to know. I’ve had days that I’m happy not knowing but this has gone on too long now. I need to know. I need to move forward. I’ve picked out hats on amazon. I’m ready to be bald. I’m ready to be sick. I’m ready to fight. But maybe none of that will even happen because I have no answers! I have no plan! My mind is just going through every scenario of what might happen. It’s maddening.

This is my coo coo for coco puffs moment. I never intended for my blog to become a place to rant and let it all out. With that said, I also want to be completely transparent. The good, the bad, the ugly. I won’t lie. It also makes me feel good. My morning tears are dry and I feel the strength, positive vibes and humor breaking through. More changes every day, multiple times a day. 🙂

I love you all!