Emotions in motion

HEALTH UPDATE: I’m just plugging along. Weakness in my legs is undeniable but I can deal. Scan day is May 25th. I pray this miracle continues.

Ramblings…

Oh man. My urge to write is so strong. Hello, old friend! Everything has been so status quo for so long. My urges to write almost always come from conflict and confusion. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming happiness that I need to share. This beautiful forum assists me in sorting it all out. It allows me to let it all out. I’m thankful.

As I’ve know for some time now, the fine details of life have surfaced for me since my miraculous rebound from certain doom. The sun is brighter. The flowers smell stronger. And yes, smiles have more meaning. I was taken aback the other day. I was on a brisk walk with a sweet friend. I’m pushing myself. It felt great until it no longer did. I feel myself swaying, uncertain of steadiness, afraid of falling. The emotions came without warning. Hot, wet tears. Oh that’s right. I have cancer. My physical abilities are not the same as they once were. It’s not that I just don’t want to push myself physically anymore. It seems that I no longer have the choice sometimes. This reality scares me. Acceptance is my friend. I will learn to accept this as I have with all of the other challenges that this beautiful life has to offer. I’m rusty though. I have been blessed to not be challenged in some time. Forward!!

On the complete opposite side of this, I am purely elated with my personal life developments. My podcast, Hello Cancer Friends, has been amazing. It is working! I’m meeting people! We are sharing stories and conversations. We are together yet separated by miles and miles. The power of technology bringing people together amazes me. The energy is so strong and it brings such positivity while also bringing guards down while discussing impossible topics. I’m so lucky to have found this new passion!

At home, my love tank is overflowing. Willow is preparing for kindergarten graduation. I used to find it silly and annoying that kids would be rewarded with such pomp and circumstance for simply completing kindergarten!!! It’s a given! We all had to do it. Certainly it is nothing outstanding. My truth has proven to be so different. I watched my beautiful child sprout before my very eyes. Learning letters, sounds, WORDS! Mathematics, bald eagles, the American flag! Shapes, science, time, predictions, story telling and role playing! All while struggling with the loss of being with her school friends in her beloved school setting and being nearly tortured with the confusion. Is she my mom or my teacher? We’ve made it work and this glorious and difficult school year will soon be a memory. I’m beyond proud of my girl. My heart hopes with all hope that she will look back at this time with fond memories once she realizes how incredibly difficult this time was for not just us, but for the entire world!

Our deck rehab is complete and I love it beyond words. It’s a project that was put off for years. With assistance from our unbelievably kind friends next door, we now have a beautiful space to create more memories. I am becoming quite adventurous in the kitchen. I’m actually starting to enjoy it. Now that it’s time to grill, there are unlimited options. I dug out the veggie pan and it’s been just wonderful. I’m infatuated with lemons. A little squeeze over asparagus before grilling is a favorite taste of mine. Squeeze on any vegetable for the grill. Delish!!

Now that I’m fully vaccinated. I got my oil changed and my haircut. We also have gone into stores. Baby steps as our girl is not yet safe. I appreciate the statistics on children with covid. Willow’s glee of normalcy, I believe, is worth a venture out. The soul needs to be free. We all need to explore once again. I find that the possibilities are so exciting.

Cheers and blessings to all❣️